A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do
they do here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for
an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He
checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German
hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do
here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the
devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and
then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!! !
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Friends, Girl Friends and Wives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friends: are like land line connection @Reliable, stable and you pay the minimum only.
Girl Friends: are like pre-paid connection @you propose before you actually fall in love with her, you have to pay for activation charges (movies,visiting), but network problem (friends, family , teachers and parents) may occur any time, Roaming is too costly (whenever you are in another city???) most importantly you can change the connection, but beware of spending again on activation charge.
Wives: are like post-paid connection, you take the connection first without knowing how long it runs and pay again-and-again(Ideally whole-life).
Girl Friends: are like pre-paid connection @you propose before you actually fall in love with her, you have to pay for activation charges (movies,visiting), but network problem (friends, family , teachers and parents) may occur any time, Roaming is too costly (whenever you are in another city???) most importantly you can change the connection, but beware of spending again on activation charge.
Wives: are like post-paid connection, you take the connection first without knowing how long it runs and pay again-and-again(Ideally whole-life).
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Software Wifes
Never marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
MARRY A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY, THEN...........................
Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
MARRY A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY, THEN...........................
 |
Software - Husband
Question:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies 7.5 , and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall ' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User "
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies 7.5 , and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall ' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
"A Troubled User "
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
బిజినెస్ ఎలా చేస్తారు
తండ్రి: నెను చెప్పిన పిల్లనే నువ్వు పెల్లి చేసుకోవాలి.
కొడుకు: నాన్నా నెను నాకు నచ్చిన పిల్లనే పెల్లి చేసుకుంటాను
తండ్రి: ఆ అమ్మాయి Bill Gates కూతురు
కొడుకు: ఐతే సరె.
తరువాత తండ్రి Billgates ని కలిసాడు
మీ కూతురికి నెనొక సంబందం చుసాను
కాని నా కూతురు చాలా చిన్నది
ఆ అబ్బాయి World Bank Vide-president
ఐతే ఓకె
తరువాత తండ్రి World Bank president ని కలిసాడు
తండ్రి: మీరు ఒకతన్ని world bank vice-president గా recommend చెయ్యాలి
president of WB : కాని నాకు చాలామంది vice-president లు వున్నారు
తండ్రి: కాని అతను BillGates అల్లుదు.
president of WB: ఐతే సరె
This is how business is done.
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.
Think +++++++ve
కొడుకు: నాన్నా నెను నాకు నచ్చిన పిల్లనే పెల్లి చేసుకుంటాను
తండ్రి: ఆ అమ్మాయి Bill Gates కూతురు
కొడుకు: ఐతే సరె.
తరువాత తండ్రి Billgates ని కలిసాడు
మీ కూతురికి నెనొక సంబందం చుసాను
కాని నా కూతురు చాలా చిన్నది
ఆ అబ్బాయి World Bank Vide-president
ఐతే ఓకె
తరువాత తండ్రి World Bank president ని కలిసాడు
తండ్రి: మీరు ఒకతన్ని world bank vice-president గా recommend చెయ్యాలి
president of WB : కాని నాకు చాలామంది vice-president లు వున్నారు
తండ్రి: కాని అతను BillGates అల్లుదు.
president of WB: ఐతే సరె
This is how business is done.
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.
Think +++++++ve
మగవాళ్ళు పెల్లెందుకు చేసుకుంటారు
ఒక వేళ పెల్లి తరువాత చచ్చి
స్వర్గానికి వెలితే : చాలా బాగుంటుంది
నరకానికి వెలితే : హొంలీ (Homely) ఫీలింగ్ వుంటుంది
స్వర్గానికి వెలితే : చాలా బాగుంటుంది
నరకానికి వెలితే : హొంలీ (Homely) ఫీలింగ్ వుంటుంది
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